Peas and Cues

We were at a thali stop on our way to Pokhara, Nepal when I offered to share my plate with my travel companion and she helped herself. Back on the bus she was consulting her guidebook and read, "It is considered rude and unclean to eat food off another person's plate." She was mortified. I speculated that this might only be the case in remote areas or when food has been blessed by a holy man. She eyed me skeptically.

"Or we just ate like barbarians. We're two white chicks, I'm sure they expect us to be strange," I shrugged.

I always try to be well mannered and aware of local customs when I roam about the planet, so I wasn't being dismissive, but it's impossible to always get it right and I've noticed that gracious hosts forgive the unimportant and are quick to educate about any offensive faux pas. I was in a bar in Nicaragua with a drink in my right hand, for instance, when I learned not to proffer my left hand in greeting. (This is universally true I know, though apparently only imperative in countries where toilet tissue isn't ubiquitous.) Embarrassing, sure, but comical and lead into an enlightening conversation in comparative cultures.

Back in Nepal, subsequent meals involved mutual lamentation about wanting to taste each other's orders but my travel friend refused. One evening I went out for dinner with a new Nepali friend who, immediately after our food arrived at the table, suggested we split our plates so we could both try and enjoy everything. While we divvied up our plates I told him about the etiquette advice in my travel buddy's guide book.

"I've never heard of such a thing," he said then added, shaking his head and laughing, "Americans and their guidebooks. Always they believe everything only from their guidebooks."

Which makes me wonder who's seeing the Lonely Planet people coming and saying, "Here, in Tanzania, you are expected to bring a toad on a leash and your own banana leaf bowl with you if invited to dinner."?

Of course, within group differences being greater than between group differences, rudeness is not limited to cross-cultural misunderstandings.

I had an acquaintance over for drinks one afternoon. I offered a plate of strawberries, cheese and fudge with the wine but the conversation spilled into the evening so I cooked up a reasonably large pot of curried chili and served it with corn chips. He ate it all up. I assumed he must still be hungry so I brought out another bag of chips. He finished that too so I refilled the fruit bowl, which had been emptied over the course of the afternoon with more clementines. By now I was getting worried. I didn't have much left to offer him. When remaining clementines were gone I apologized and offered to run to the convenience store to pick up some more chips.

"Um," my company said shyly, "I'm actually full."

Turns out he had been raised that it was rude to not eat everything that was put in front of you. I had been raised to keep feeding company until they refuse to eat anymore. And there we were, a dangerous mix of social proprieties until one of us caves and embarrasses their mother.

You can take the International Dining Etiquette Quiz and try to beat my near perfect 10/11 score (What?! The English really do boil everything) (via How to cook Like your Grandmother)

Plautdietsch Word of the Day:  fe'sseie mich = pardon me