Peas and Cues

We were at a thali stop on our way to Pokhara, Nepal when I offered to share my plate with my travel companion and she helped herself. Back on the bus she was consulting her guidebook and read, "It is considered rude and unclean to eat food off another person's plate." She was mortified. I speculated that this might only be the case in remote areas or when food has been blessed by a holy man. She eyed me skeptically.

"Or we just ate like barbarians. We're two white chicks, I'm sure they expect us to be strange," I shrugged.

I always try to be well mannered and aware of local customs when I roam about the planet, so I wasn't being dismissive, but it's impossible to always get it right and I've noticed that gracious hosts forgive the unimportant and are quick to educate about any offensive faux pas. I was in a bar in Nicaragua with a drink in my right hand, for instance, when I learned not to proffer my left hand in greeting. (This is universally true I know, though apparently only imperative in countries where toilet tissue isn't ubiquitous.) Embarrassing, sure, but comical and lead into an enlightening conversation in comparative cultures.

Back in Nepal, subsequent meals involved mutual lamentation about wanting to taste each other's orders but my travel friend refused. One evening I went out for dinner with a new Nepali friend who, immediately after our food arrived at the table, suggested we split our plates so we could both try and enjoy everything. While we divvied up our plates I told him about the etiquette advice in my travel buddy's guide book.

"I've never heard of such a thing," he said then added, shaking his head and laughing, "Americans and their guidebooks. Always they believe everything only from their guidebooks."

Which makes me wonder who's seeing the Lonely Planet people coming and saying, "Here, in Tanzania, you are expected to bring a toad on a leash and your own banana leaf bowl with you if invited to dinner."?

Of course, within group differences being greater than between group differences, rudeness is not limited to cross-cultural misunderstandings.

I had an acquaintance over for drinks one afternoon. I offered a plate of strawberries, cheese and fudge with the wine but the conversation spilled into the evening so I cooked up a reasonably large pot of curried chili and served it with corn chips. He ate it all up. I assumed he must still be hungry so I brought out another bag of chips. He finished that too so I refilled the fruit bowl, which had been emptied over the course of the afternoon with more clementines. By now I was getting worried. I didn't have much left to offer him. When remaining clementines were gone I apologized and offered to run to the convenience store to pick up some more chips.

"Um," my company said shyly, "I'm actually full."

Turns out he had been raised that it was rude to not eat everything that was put in front of you. I had been raised to keep feeding company until they refuse to eat anymore. And there we were, a dangerous mix of social proprieties until one of us caves and embarrasses their mother.

You can take the International Dining Etiquette Quiz and try to beat my near perfect 10/11 score (What?! The English really do boil everything) (via How to cook Like your Grandmother)

Plautdietsch Word of the Day:  fe'sseie mich = pardon me

The Devil I Know

I gained seven pounds this year. I didn't actually know the number of pounds until I got home to my parents place and weighed myself; I just knew my clothes were getting tight. I attributed it to quitting smoking in January and told myself I would focus on losing it once I left the cubicle farm. I weighed myself two weeks ago and thought, "Well, seven pounds isn't as bad as it could be," then helped myself to another serving of strawberries (...with cream cheese icing). I have, in the intervening fourteen days, gained another 3 pounds for a grand total of 10 fatastic pounds. I would not let this bother me except that if I gain one more pound I will have to buy new clothes. I hate shopping and I have no income so I've decided it's time to get serious about this.

I have been torturing myself every morning (though I'm quite pleased to report that if heavy breathing is any indicator I am possibly in better shape than super hot 0% body fat girl), tossing in a half hour bike ride after studying, plus a walk every evening in hopes of being able to breathe in my jeans again. I even did yoga today.

Yesterday I rode my bike out on the mile roads. This used to be the "country" but it's now being developed into "Estates" that back onto the golf course. Unfortunately for me I was utterly agog at the sight of these monolithic bastions of Western excess when a Godzilla sized dust devil (we're in desperate need of rain) swirled off a remaining acre and enveloped me in its gritty embrace. I'm still picking gravel out of my teeth.

I biked in the opposite direction today, headlong into the prairie wind which was deceptively still until I started pedaling. I biked out past the water tower, past the Sommerfelder church to where the pavement ends. There were two dilapidated houses, yards filled with jalopies and junkyard treasures surrounded by suburban "Qualico" style homes with perfectly coiffed lawns and strategically placed wooden wagon wheels. Which means, I suppose, even rural cities are vulnerable to gentrification. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what horrors and monstrosities will be erected in the next twenty years that will cause some girl returning home in 2030 to pine for the good old days in 2010. On the up side there's still no skyscrapers blocking out the prairie skyline.

Plautdietsch Word of the Day: offe shamt (pronunciation= uff ye shamet) = shameless

Noch Ab Zwei Bein

I wrote my exam today and I am now officially certified to teach business English.

Plautdietsch Phrase of the Day: Wo jedet noch heute? Dot jedet noch ab zwei bein = How's it going today? It goes, still on two legs.

Four Round Corners

I thought it would be lovely to eat my breakfast outside, in the sun, on the patio this morning. Fortunately I also thought it would be nice to read a book while I ate because I also locked myself out of the house. Barefoot. In my PJ's. So I spent the morning reading, waiting for my mother to come home for lunch. When she finally arrived my mother chided me for not going to the neighbour's to use the phone. When I pointed out that I was dressed and smelled like a hobo she insisted this was no excuse not to rush over and ask for help.

Due to the same faulty doorknob system (who invented push button locks?) this is not the first time I have locked myself out of a house in my PJ's. Once while I was dog sitting, and not having a cell phone, I wandered the neighbourhood in a thunderstorm in search of a payphone. I eventually had to resort to calling my ex who showed up with his new, perfect, uberb*tch (that's what she was called in our circles-though not until the moment of this story, by me - until this particular moment in time, I tried to like her, I even defended her dammit) girlfriend. Giving me, in my muddy wet PJ's the once over she sneered, "What have we here?" At  precisely this moment I turned around to see the great big albino boxer I was supposed to be dogsitting through the patio doors, squat and take a gigantic crap. Yes, I thought, that sums up what we have here quite nicely.

So all things considered this morning's incident was really inconsequential though it did make me late for the yard work I promised to do for my grandmother this afternoon.

This evening we met my Aunt and Uncle at the local pub for trivia night. Aside from being great fun, this was a fantastical phenomenon I never thought I'd experience in my lifetime. When I was growing up the town was dry and the bar was located 1 mile outside of town limits. A couple of years ago the town voted to allow liquor sales in town limits so you can now have a glass of wine with your meal like civilized people might, though from what I can determine the meal with your glass of wine is mandatory so it's still more restaurant than a pub. You may however have to contend with a zealot or two pacing outside the establishment spewing condemnation or prayers for your sinning soul but think of it as ambiance.

Plautdietsch Word of the Day: geschehet (pronounced ye-shayat) = behave

6 Impossible Things Before Breakfast

I tried to take my grandmother to see "Alice in Wonderland" 3D on Tuesday. After scouring the parking lot for the closest possible parking spot, buying the tickets and redeeming my voucher for free popcorn we discovered we'd been duped into seeing the regular version. Much hullaballoo ensued as I tried to edit undo these transactions with the net result of a $0.77 deficit to my bank account and an agreement to try again at a different theater today as I had dinner plans Tuesday and couldn't stay in the city until the next showing.

So this morning I woke up early and Grandma and I hit the backroad highways back to the city for the second time this week. She told me stories from her childhood, and we swapped road trip tales and she showed me where my father works. After a quick stop for her doctor's appointment we had a half hour to kill so we bought fruit smoothies and gave ourselves freezy headaches.

Grandma had told me she hadn't been to a movie in a theater since before she was married. Last time she went it was $0.75 each to get in. That's right, less than the amount I lost on the extra butter for my free popcorn on Tuesday.

I could hear her laughing a lot throughout the movie and when it was over she said, "Well, that's not the Alice in Wonderland I remember," which made me laugh. I asked her if she enjoyed it and was so happy myself when she grinned from ear to ear and said with shiny eyes, "Oh yes, very much." I grinned right back.

On the way home we lamented the loss of drive-ins and the general ineptitude of my generation. I know I ought to have defended us but frankly I had to agree we are, on the whole, indefensibly useless creatures. I do hope to do better with that myself, starting with learning how to patch my bike tire tube this weekend.

Daily Dose of Plautdietsch: schrickt = scream

Masala

I think dinner was a success. I realized halfway through the afternoon and much too late, that I had been far too ambitious with the menu but Company was kind and seemed to enjoy the fruits of my efforts. While the artichoke was an epic fail, and my garam masala sweet potatoes were met with mixed reviews (though I enjoyed them and was quite tickled at finally learning how to make ghee) I can recommend the cardamom chicken  and my cobbled together squash chutney:

Squash and Apricot Chutney

2 lb squash (butternut, hubbard or acorn)

1 peach

½ cup oil

1 tsp salt

1 cup dried apricots, julienned

1 2”(5cm) piece of gingerroot, julienned

1 red pepper

1 cup sugar

1 cup orange juice

½ cup white vinegar

1 tsp dried chile flakes

1) Bake the squash until just tender (approx 20 mins)

2) Cut the squash and fruit into small pieces and put in a bowl.

3) Peel and mince the pepper. You want tiny pieces so the taste will compliment the rest of the ingredients, not overpower them.



4) Reserve 1 cup of the squash & apricots. Combine the remaining ingredients in a pot.

5) Cook the chutney on medium heat for about 50 minutes. Stir often to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pan.



6) Put the reserved cup of squash and apricots in the mixture. Add the minced onions and cook for 10 minutes more. This give your chutney a chunky texture and appearance.



7) Remove the pan from the heat. The chutney will continue to thicken slightly as it cools down. You can eat your chutney now or store in the refrigerator for one to two weeks.





I know for certain I enjoyed the conversation, company and walk despite being exhausted which makes it a success in my book.

Kitchen Tip of the Day: You can use coffee filters instead of cheese cloth (thanks Mom!)

Plautdietsch Phrase of the Day: schmurtzpuddel = fat puddles (it's actually some type of food though I can't recall what only the direct translation because it made me giggle)

Dinner Guest

I am the sort of dinner guest who will become enamoured with your appliances if they are circa Madmen. This sleek baby whipped me into a picture taking frenzy. I think my Uncle lined up the wine glass and bottle to provide an alibi for my insanity, but in truth, I would have snapped pictures even in a fit of sobriety. This mixer is not only beautifully designed but quiet.


Dinner was delicious, dessert divine and the spiked (amaretto and grand marnier) blueberry tea was a delightful end to a brilliant evening of good company and conversation.

Tonight I'm hosting a dinner guest who just arrived so I must be off.

Low German Phrase of the Day:

  jebrodne eadschocke -  fried potatoes